Thursday, December 4, 2014

25 Toxic Behaviors that keep people further away

Are you feeling that people keep getting themselves away from you and not willing to tell you what’s wrong? It’s not practical and it’s really bad when you want people to tell you whats wrong and what you had done wrong but people who are not willing to point out your mistake are really common. Unless they are too close to you and they ensure that you are the person that can accept critics and judgmental comment without any problem at all.

Rather than waiting for others to tell you what’s wrong with you, you need to know a list of toxic behavior that can make people stay further away from you. Learning all these toxic behavior won’t make you perfect, but at least you can reduce a list of mistakes that people doesn’t want, and it could be hard for you to realize them without anyone telling you.

1. Exaggerate Behavior in Public

This include screaming as loud as you want, singing anytime or anywhere (especially if your voice is not that nice), grabbing other people stuff, adding or tagging people on Facebook without permission, and etc. To make the list longer, you can try to recall how people in the public irritates you and you thought that they should not behave that way which can disturb the others.

2. You make yourself a negative person

People prefer to meet people who are rich with joy and happiness in their life. Everyone do have their own time when they face obstacles and sadness. But people do not want to see you repeating about your own negative emotion and listening to your same sad life story every single time.

Telling your negative life story doesn’t make you a negative person, but when you hold onto it all the time, did not put too much effort or the right effort solving them, and then repeat the same story to everyone, you eventually make people feel that you are a person with a sad life, every time they in touch of you, they gotta listen to the same negative thing again. Do remember that everyone has their own difficult life too.

3. You are too emotional

When people ask something from you, and you reply them with rage or an excessive manner, and then you make the result of your response way too much comparing to how people ask you in the beginning. That’s how you make it too emotional. No one like to be treated emotionally, especially when they keep experiencing your emotional response too many times, and often they are not informed about your reason for being emotional.

You have to face this, no matter how emotional you felt like, everyone is innocent when they are not the key reason for you to be emotional.

4. Your judgements are always based on fallacies or own opinion

Nothing wrong having your own judgement, but becareful with emphasizing too much in a subject with extreme thoughts that differ from real life facts. People dislike unrealistic explanation that are produced greatly depending on one person mindset or point of view. It's the same with you, for example, dislike a certain group of people because you had bad experience for such group in the past, and then you give harsh comment about them based on the particular experience you had last time. You need to learn that it was from the past and it has absolutely nothing to do with the different individuals or group.

5. Too possessive when people show least interest on you

Sometimes you want to get certain attention for others, but there's no saying that people should treat you the same way you treat them, and when you trying to ask for others to respond back as much as how you approach them, they eventually feel irritated or to some extend, felt threaten like you trying to invade their "safe zone".

This is commonly happen between a salesman and his customer. Some salesman try to get closer to their targeted customer to explain their products or services even though the customer reject him and trying to walk away. As the salesman trying to get much closer to explain more and hope that the customer will stop and listen, the customer walk faster instead. Same concept.

6. You refuse to solve problem

Sadly, this world is all about problem solving. There are tons of real life problem that people don't solve or people don't care, but it's natural that people want to lead a life without problem. You probably know someone or certain people who only wants to talk about problem, but they never put effort to solve anything.

It's the same when you repeat same type of problem to others even if you know what is wrong and how you should deal with it, refuse to solve the problem give the impression that you are living with the same problem all the time, and most likely you will fall into a deep cycle of endless problem later in your life.

7. You dislike agree with others

No one likes to agree with your words and thoughts all the time and being criticize on their own idea and thinking. The conventional stuff, 4+3 equal to 7, same goes for 5+2, 6+1, and so on. Your 4+3 equal to 7, so does others who thinking of 5+2 and 6+1.

8. You always comment that people are not as experience as you

You may have gone through something that make yourself far more experience than others, but don't forget that everyone is granted with 24 hours just like you. They might not be as experience as you in one thing but they definitely better than you at other field. As a matter of fact, no one likes people who keep putting themselves in high position all the time and talking in a way that others are lower than them.

9. Putting your mask at specific time

It's scary because people eventually get dilemma on which mash they are looking at when they know that you have too much of masks, and you practice changing masks at specific time. At one point you be good with this person, but behind the stage you talk bad about him/her. People couldn’t help to think that you might do the same behind his/her back too.

People prefer to be more relax and less cautious being with a person. It's difficult for a person to breath when they had their mask on, and it's tough for others because they couldn't what is the hidden expression behind those masks.

10. Keep doing things that you dislike and complaint about it all the time

You might not know how funny it seems when people keep seeing others doing something, and then complain about what they had just did. Sometimes it's quite understandable especially when it comes to work or we are doing something for other reason, despite dislike on the process itself. But that's something you need to work out to accept the process rather than hating what you did.

11. Telling people that you are always bad

This will always leave people speechless after you done it too many times. Not only that you are demonstrating that you are extremely lacking of confident, it also cause people to think of you as really bad at something or many things not because you are in fact really bad at it, but you are indirectly convincing others to think so,

12. Thinking that letting out anger is good and constantly doing it

Keeping your anger deep inside the heart is not healthy, I truly understand that. But who in this world doesn’t feel angry or mad when the situation make them so? But you don’t see people keep screaming and shouting whenever they want, because it’s appropriate to learn to control your temper and resolve your anger into behavior that helps in the situation, not practicing your negative feeling on others and think about how to handle things later.

13. Put little effort, but tell people you tried your best

You are not even trying, and people dislike people who refuse to put much effort but wanted to get something great in return. It’s actually really obvious when you put too little effort in one thing because all efforts definitely produce something. You can’t just spend all time and effort in something but you get no result at all, unless you put effort into the wrong thing. In the end of the day, end result tells it all.

You don’t need to list out all the specific details of your effort, but you need to be able to explain to people what you had learnt and experience even if you can’t achieve the expected result, rather than saying “I tried my best” and expect people to belief so.

14. Telling people to follow your path

Everyone has their own successful story and experience, so do you and I. It’s greatly depending on different individual when comes to following the path of others. If a person foresees a specific path that they want to follow, they will eventually seek for it without anyone telling them. When you try to convince people to do and think things the same way you do even though you think it’s beneficial for them, you need to understand that what you think is good for them doesn’t mean that’s what they want and how they want things to be.

15. Try to involve yourself in everything

It can be helpful sometimes, but not all the time especially when people did not ask for it. This can be an act of kindness but you need to know that sometimes people don’t need more people to involve into their business. And in serious case, if you keep trying to involve in every single matter of a person, he or she probably felt that someone is invading their life for every life event and decision they wanted to make, which is like your father trying to get involve when you meet with your friends, like he wanted to know how you usually talk & behave, and what type of topic you usually talk about, although he has no such intention at all.

16. Keep talking about yourself and emphasize on your achievements

Sharing is caring, but you need to know what you are sharing now. First of all, it can be offending when you keep emphasize on your own self and achievement when you just want to share your happiness with them. It’s like you keep talking about how good is your boyfriend or girlfriend, while the other people do not have a partner. Second, you probably make other people bored because you are like forcing them to read a biography of yourself with all your great achievement. Seriously, no matter how close you are with the others, they usually not really into this.

17. You constantly curse people

No matter what reason you have for cursing people, others definitely be afraid that you might do the same at them one day later. Because you are equip with such habit and you are practicing on it. Furthermore, you can’t expect people to feel okay when you constantly cursing people just because your feeling so, because it’s really ugly.

18. You give minimal response

Obviously, it’s very boring. It’s like talking to a cat and the cat don’t really care about you. When you try to start up a conversation with others, you definitely don’t expect them to reply with a simple “Okay” or few words answer, which is for the sake of respond to what you had said, and has no intention to continue on with your conversation.

19. Practice excessive rights on everything

When you feel that the restaurant is not giving it’s best service, you make a huge fuss about it and want to see the manager because you think you are qualified to make a complaint. That’s partially right but you always need to remember that paying for food/service doesn’t make you the boss. So when you have the right on something, always remember that your rights are granted by them, and you don’t deserve everything.

20. Being sarcastic on every serious issue

I believe everyone should understand this very well. No one like to talk about a serious matter but the other person reply you with joke and make fun of what you said.

21. You think it’s alright to cause little physical pain to others

Smack a little on your friend’s shoulder probably feel that’s what close friends do. But the problem is, you don’t know how much pain they had felt when you do so. It can be very wrong to think that you are only putting very little strength when you doing it, while you are touching on real flesh and bone so you can’t expect your “little strength” definitely don’t make people feel anything. And, it’s natural that no one like to feel painful, no matter how friendly you think it is.

22. You demand without giving back anything

Taking things for granted is a slow and effective relationship killer in many cases, especially when you got close with another person. Some times it could be a small thing, like eating in your friend's place frequently. As time goes by, your friend eventually felt that he or she is there just to be your free chef if you never give anything in return. It's not the matter of being greedy for human nature, just that you need to remember that people need to sacrifice on time and effort for your demand and it's unnatural for them to do so like they have unlimited resources for it.

23. You talk all you want, all the time

The thing that would goes wrong when you keep talking is making people feel bored, and you might turn good mood into bad mood. I'm serious about this. Imagine if you are having a good mood to spend the day enjoying great food and nice place, but there is just somebody there non-stop talking about random stuff about his or her own interest and point of view, that's more than enough to destroy a nice day that you could had spent to make the day nice and relax. And it's not even considered as a conversation when the other person just keep on with endless talking.

24. You exaggerate on someone wrongful behavior

Someone might make mistake, that doesn't means it's alright to make it sounds worst for the others. Even if you don't consider that others deserve another chance so you should stop mentioning about his or her wrongful behavior, you are not honest and accusing others. The one who commit the mistake could be wrong, but it's the same for you to commit another type of wrongful behavior.

25. You blame others for your behavior and feeling

I have to assume that you are not a child, and even teenager begin to learn to take up their own responsibility for all feeling and behavior of their own. It's subjective for the feeling part as feeling usually depending on external event, but you should not use it as the reason for your own behavior because that's purely depending on your own decision. So you can't hit someone that say that they are asking for it, even if they really ask you to. So, you really need to learn to be an adult to know how to be responsible for whatever you do and think.
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Friday, November 21, 2014

Cruel Fact & Reality

WARNING: This article can be really sensitive and deep right into your heart without any disguise to make you feel better while pointing out people weaknesses. It's recommended that you keep on reading only if you could accept it and put your personal feeling aside.

Life is cruel, we all can say it very well. I heard too many people saying the same thing and telling me this. I'm pretty sure that they are not totally confident that they are clear of the cruel facts in the world and had passed the stage that accepting every cruelty of life, it is just a way for them to express their depression when they know that it is cruel but they can't do anything about it.

Just like you, I'm also a human that survive in this world and all of us, willingly or not, need to learn the cruelty of life. Not just to see how pitiful this world is, and not to feel desperate that our power is too small to change anything, but to clearly understand what are they and we need to learn one important fact: how we should think about it and how are we suppose to get rid or avoid from it.

  • If you are poor, but you have no saving and not willing to seek better way to earn more, you deserve it.

  • If you want someone better, but you are not putting effort to be a better person so you couldn’t get any better partner, you deserve it.

  • If you are fat, you are not happy about it but you are not willing to exercise and control your diet, you deserve it.

  • If you are not good at something, you want it but you don’t improve your skill, you deserve it.

  • If you dislike your current job, but you still stick to it despite how many complaints you had each day, you deserve it.

  • If you really dislike your partner, but you do not want to let go due to your own personal reason or feeling, you deserve it.

  • If you hate the current situation you are in, but you are not willing to move away from it, you deserve it.

  • If you are not brave enough, and you lose what you desire, you deserve it.

  • If you feeling desperate, but you choose to do nothing and let things happen by itself, you deserve it.

  • If you are disliked by many people, but you don’t do anything to improve people impression on you, you deserve it.

  • If you don’t treat yourself well, so others treat you the same way you treat yourself, you deserve it.

  • If you are tired of achieving people expectation, but you never reject people expectation, you deserve it.

  • If you are sad that people never learn what you truly feel and think, but you never voice out, you deserve it.

  • If you couldn’t find get a partner you want to get one but you ask too much and didn’t give any patient and true effort, you deserve it.

  • If you are facing lots of problem, but you usually choose to avoid or run away, you deserve it.

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Real Fact About Maturity

Maturity is a high achievement that define a person advance level of thinking that has unique self value and able to produce massive benefits to own self and people around him or her in a life long process. It's something that need to try really hard to achieve and advance to that level. That's how many people think, although I consider it's not really true to think that we need to put great effort to become mature, because it's not all about being mature in thinking.

Most often, people prefer being mature instead of another side. The common reasons for such preference is mainly due to mature thinking manage to produce many good decision making and reduce troubles in life, and in many occasions. Therefore many people think that mature is all about thinking in a mature way, but did not realize what mature people usually do is not just thinking things right, but also consider and behave in the right way using good logical thinking to achieve the great result that is good in many ways. Therefore, maturity is a mindset, but it's depending on your perception and behavior to determine how mature you are.

Beware, there are a lot of fallacies out there about maturity. One of the common fallacies is to think that we will eventually became mature as we aged, which is totally wrong. Maturity is a life long process, there is no end of it. And there is no absolute truth to say that people definitely get mature when they aged, because you can always find people with older age decide something that is totally against the goods of many people but only good in his or her own mindset. Also, been through and experience a lot in one same thing doesn't mean you are mature enough to make the right decision. This can be subjective especially if a person begin something with an incorrect mindset.

To ensure that you are on the right track to maturity, don't try to think in a mature way because there is no absolute guideline for people to follow to make you a mature person. Rather, you need to practice sound and ethical thinking and behavior to get to that level, and to make everything better in your life.

You can find large amount of guide or list from internet about what to think and do to become mature, below are some list to begin with:

Mindset & Behavior for Maturity

  1. Time is limited, every seconds can cause big change in life.
  2. Saving won't make anyone rich.
  3. Money don't bring happiness, earning more doesn't guarantee rich and happiness
  4. Spending more doesn't bring back the right value and more capital, spending right is.
  5. Problems are not meant to be worried over and over again, it's meant to be solved. If you can't solve it, you are not the right person to worry about.
  6. It's important to meet people who are rich in knowledge and experience, not only rich in money.
  7. Opportunity is reachable only when you make effort to reach it.
  8. Regrets can be a misery for a lifetime
  9. Your trouble is meant to be shared with people that can be trusted, instead of keep it all in your heart
  10. Success don't comes to you as you aged.
  11. What people said about you is what they think, not your actual self. It's true only when you accept it.
  12. True value is hidden, can only be seen by heart and true understanding. And it's not measured by the size and unit in physical term.
  13. "Failed to plan is plan to failed" is always true.
  14. Truth is always better than rumors.
  15. Success and achievement is produced by own effort, not given by people.
  16. When involve in a negative situation, think about how to improve and avoid mistake yourself, and not how other people should be blamed and changed.
  17. Understand that ego should be thrown away and accept lose, defeat, and mistake of ownself.
  18. True success is not how many people think that you are successful.
  19. Accept that there are always people who are better than you.
  20. Clearly aware and appreciate every good and bad things in your life.
  21. Understand that success, power, and wealth is nothing important than true happiness.
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My Life Perspective

  1. Problem is meant to be solve, not to be avoided or running away from it. Every problem is an obstacle for us to become stronger.

  2. We don’t need to be at least age 50 to be successful and experience. Many young entrepreneurs had proven on this.

  3. Been through something doesn’t mean we definitely learn the right thing.

  4. Nothing could be gain without true effort and capability. Even if you get something by luck, it’s not belongs to you.

  5. Living for other’s expectation will suppress your true self. It’s another mean of spending all your lifetime for others and leave nothing for yourself.

  6. You are responsible for all your feeling, emotion, and behavior, unless you are being threatened by someone.

  7. Complaint without putting effort or thinking to change is total waste of time and get you further from better life.

  8. Time is the key to everything, including success and failure.

  9. Learn the cruelty of life. Not because you need to practice how to be cruel, but to accept and seek ways to avoid them.

  10. Forgive others not because you need to accept their wrong-doing, but because you need to let go of grudges.

  11. No matter how much you want to be successful, do not harm others in the process of getting it.

  12. Money has no value, it’s just an outcome from your valuable experience, skill, knowledge and effort.

  13. When people throwing their negative emotion on you, it’s not that you are totally wrong, it’s just that they are practicing their ugly self.

  14. Able to accept failure and defeat is much more powerful than being successful.

  15. When you think that you want to do something later, you risk not doing it and letting a good opportunity fade away.

  16. You are wasting your life and betting yourself to get infinite regrets if you think loving yourself has no value and it’s wasting time.

  17. Being passionate is the key to create value in everything you do.

  18. Happiness are from small and simple things. It does not require huge amount of money and effort to obtain it. More complicating view in happiness get you further from happiness.

  19. Past is what made us today. Not some ugly history or destiny.

  20. Certificate and age don’t prove your knowledge. True knowledge is when you know and able to identify what is right and wrong.

  21. Honesty can make you lost something, but to be able to face the world without a mask is one great achievement to live without regrets.

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